If it's alright with you

Bubble Boy: ...I'm going to start using the word "slake" more. It's been on pretty much every other page in the book I'm reading right now, and I've decided I like it.

The last time I heard a word I liked this much was when Rachel Loftin used the word "corpulent" to describe a manager of ours at McDonald's. That was. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (still calculating) . . . . . . . . . sometime in the early 90's, I guess. So I'm due for a new word.

So who's with me?! Slake! Slake! Slake! Slake!

Two Tales of One Pregnancy

Shocky DeBouef: Okay, to answer your first thought, yes. This blog is going to be about babies now, all the time.

Secondly, I am still going to hell for telling this first story. Just so you know that up front.

My "Friday" is Tuesday, since I only work Saturday mornings, a long day on Mondays, and Tuesday mornings. So on Tuesday afternoon, I always stop by my favorite second-hand store. It is run by a service that I volunteered at while in school, one that houses and employs mentally disabled adults. They work at a cafe near the headquarters, and also the thrift store. I routinely spend less than five dollars each week, and on this particular day I spent nothing. On my way out, I examined an earring rack. While I was there, a middle-aged disabled adult leaned over to the store manager, pointed at me and whispered loudly, "She's pregnant!" in a "she's in trouble!" alarmed kind of a voice. (There are probably rules about this at the center...) The manager, of course, tactfully did not react and I smiled, very amused, at them both.

Some friends that haven't seen me in awhile have been asking me over email, "Are you showing yet?" And my first horrible, terrible thought when that happened was, "Well. I'm officially so pregnant now that even a retard could tell."

I know God may punish me for not only having that thought, but actually ADMITTING it, but I know he won't zap my innocent unborn child. So I'm probably safe up until the labor starts.

To begin the second story, Chris and I have been walking around our new neighborhood some, enjoying the foliage. He had been wondering about a particular type of tree: was it a cherry blossom? Yesterday I walked up the street to meet him on his walk back the other way, coming from the train. I saw a man taking groceries out of his car. In his yard was one of these trees. I said, "Excuse me, but what type of tree is that?" He screwed up his face to think and said, "I think it is a Japanese crab." I said, "Oh thanks! We were wondering" and went on my way. Then I realized that Chris wasn't with me yet, and I'd had my hand on my belly. I wonder if he thought I meant, "My fetus and I were wondering."

Weekend follow up

Bubble Boy: Not much to report on the weekend. More lawn care (where is that damned new grass?!! Come on up already!!!), saw some movies ("Iron Man") and documentaries ("My Kid Could Paint That") that I liked, and others that were "meh" ("Bee Movie"). Went out and got awesome burgers at the local Irish pub and also checked an ice cream parlor we've been hearing about for 3 years and finally got around to checking out.

Holy crap.

Good. Stuff.

Got something called the "Flight", which is basically 4 scoops of your choosing. Next time I think I'll just stick to a single scoop, but as it was my first trip there and I wanted to sample a bunch of different flavors, I had to try it.

The Registry

G: I've slowly been building our registry on the Babys-R-Us website. It's been fun (expectations to the contrary... When people ask me "Are you excited about picking out all that cute baby stuff?!" I've had to honestly reply, "No.") I'm excited about the kid, but not so much the kid stuff. Chris and I both like a tidy space. I like only a couple well-placed knick-knacks that I can easily dust around, and have a lot of meaning. Everything else ends up in the garage sale pile (can't wait to have my first one!) Chris is incredibly minimalist, and would prefer to live in a white room with a single chair, a computer, and a stereo. (Ideally, someone would occasionally enter the bubble, bring him saltine crackers with American cheese melted on them, and he would be happy forever.) Neither of us is particularly eager for the barrage of pink plastic crap that inevitably comes with child-rearing. In addition to that, we don't have huge SUVs or huge open spaces in our house. We have two levels, but the rooms are fairly small.

But I must say, some of the baby gear is fun! I have been able to find a few products that will take up less space (to make room for more plastic crap.) Mom went with me to the store and helped get me started... My friends the Biglers recommended a chair that straps onto a regular chair, making the need for a whole highchair unnecessary. I couldn't believe my luck when I saw that the swing I liked best in the store actually plays Beethoven (Chris will be so pleased.) And I've fallen in love with a fairly high-priced jog stroller, but you should see this thing. It turns on a dime, has amazing shocks, an adapter for the car seat, folds down completely, and isn't twice my size like some that I've seen. If only I could ride in it...

So far I've gotten by on advice from friends. Brooke sent me a list of things, and I'm seeing Linds tomorrow, so I can pick her brain, too. So there is definitely an advantage to not being the first to reproduce! I've also found all of the sites that review products to be really helpful. Still, some of the reviews make me laugh. You have to read some of the reviews on this crib bedding. Some of the people who purchased it bought it feeling that it was blue and brown, and therefore a "gender neutral" print. But when they got it home OMG THERE IS PINK IN IT. IT IS MOSTLY BLUE BUT THERE IS PINK!! I HAD TO RETURN IT UNOPENED. Some people wrote this so scientifically, like, "Not recommended for boys" or "Do not purchase for a boy" as if everyone knows the evidence suggests that blue is ok for girls, but pink will turn your boy into a big Kansas City queer (it's a fact.) Well, the curtains that I'm making have brown, blue, teal and a little pink in them, and if my child is a boy that grows up to be a showtune-singing "friend of Dorothy," I guess everyone can point to my nursery decor as the place where it all started.

I complained to Chris that I'm starting to feel some back and hip pain after sleeping, and he suggested that it might be time for me to look into a pregnancy body pillow. I checked this one out ("the Snoogle,") but I think I've decided to keep looking. For one thing, I fell asleep thinking about it last night, and I kept having dreams that I was riding in the Tilt-a-Whirl car. And I just thought of what else it reminds me of. Do you remember "riding the snake" in Vanguard? This thing is like that little parasitic squiggle that latched onto your spaceship. I think I would wake up struggling to free myself.

Well, thanks to everyone for their advice (and thanks for only giving it when asked.) We really need it, since we are still learning everything (you feed the mouth-end, right?)

Getting this off my chest

Bubble Boy: - Not much to report from the following week. The Cubs' six-game winning streak ended, and it was probably for the best because my lucky Cubs' sweatshirt (they had won eight in a row when I wore it) was filthy and starting to smell funny. I wasn't going to wash it while they were winning.

"Never f--- with a winning streak" - Crash Davis (Kevin Costner), Bull Durham

Hey! It's freaking cold again!

I feel weird all over. I was telling G how I never thought I'd actually get married. Never thought I'd own a home. Never thought I'd be having a kid. It's just been one "never thought" moment after another lately, especially this year. And similarly, it just felt really weird buying a lawnmower this past weekend. I was just sitting there in the checkout lane at Lowe's thinking "Really? I'm buying a lawnmower? Really?!!" It all seems very foreign to me...

Had a good night Saturday going out with a friend, my older bro, and his girlfriend. Original plan was to go out to dinner and a movie, but as we all were feeling tired and/or sick, that turned into dinner, a drink at a local Irish pub, and then back home shortly after the Cubs game was over...

There's something I've been wanting to get off my chest for a while, and I'm just going to admit to it now. All you folks with kids and your own young families you've been starting - I've been really insanely jealous of you for the past few years.

For the last year or so, I had been getting really bitter and just plain ugly about it. Every time somebody at work was telling a story about their kids this and their kids that, I was just kind of stewing on the inside thinking "That's not cool..."

To be honest, I guess I was really only like that about folks at work, people I don't know as well. I can't really recall feeling that way towards our friends who had kids. I guess I was more capable of just being genuinely happy for them 'cause, you know, they're my peeps.

The bitterness was more directed at casual acquaintances, I suppose. But it's still not a very good emotion to have. I know it. So I apologize for that.